Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Thursday, February 16, 2012
The Worst (Best) Day. Ever.
Yesterday was awful. Horrible. Terrible. Terrifying.
On February 4 my kids and I were eating an early dinner. The Hubs was in the shower. Baby Gumdrop finished eating and climbed on top of the kitchen table. This is a new favorite place of hers and I can't seem to keep her off of it. There were some papers scattered on the table that Lollipop had been drawing on earlier. She found a crayon and started to color. I was talking to the big kids and munching away on my food. I looked down at my plate and heard a scream and then a whack! I leap up and run across the table because my baby girl has slipped on the papers and fallen off the table. She was laying on her back on the tile screaming hysterically. I scooped her up and did immediate damage assessment. The Hubs came running in the room and found me and the baby crying. We calmed her down and found no blood. We found nothing weird. She was calm after a few minutes and seemed fine. We check her pupils, we felt of her head, we studied her body. We did everything we could think to do. We found nothing abnormal.
A few hours later she had a bruise on her back and on her hip. We decided that she must of landed on her side and we were so relieved. I was so shaken up about it though and we discussed going to the ER several times but didn't want to put her through that unnecessarily. She played happily for the rest of the evening and we kept her up late to watch her. She went to bed easily at nine (way past her bedtime). She woke up several times and ended up sleeping with us. The next morning (which was a Sunday) we woke up and she had a huge mushy knot on her head. We called our pedi's office and spoke to a new nurse. She said to observe her and take her in if she acted weird. She did not act weird at any point. So, we went to church and taught our Sunday School class. We had a normal day. I texted my good friend who is a NP in my pedi's office. Everyone said, "Relax. If she acts normal she's ok." I cry. It's so scary and I can't shake a yucky feeling in the pit of my stomach.
So that brings us to Tuesday. This bump on her head is massive and still feels weird. We found a smaller knot a little lower Tuesday night. That yucky feeling in the pit of my stomach is getting worse. She starts pulling on her ears and running a little fever. I declare that I'm going to the walk-in clinic in the morning to see my pedi. We do just that. I tell him, "I think she has an ear infection. Also, she fell off the kitchen table about a week and a half ago and has a massive knot on her head." He checks her out and says yes, double ear infections. I ask him to feel the bump. He feels and says, "That's big. I don't like this. We need a head xray. Now." I ask a million questions. He is vague. My blood pressure goes through the roof. I immediately start freaking out. He tells me to calm down. Three times. I respect this man more than words can say and I'm terrified and scared and so mad at myself for not seeing him before this about the bump. I express how her actions have not changed. He tells me "He hopes he is wrong but lets be cautious."
I get in the car and burst into tears and call my husband. We meet at the hospital and thank goodness they have her back in less than 30 minutes. I text my friend the NP a hundred times and she is shocked that she is having an xray. I am shocked she is having an xray too. She reassures me but I just can't seem to calm down. Normally I think I handle things pretty well but I fell apart yesterday. So, we go home and we wait. We wait and wait and imagine awful scenarios like bleeding in the brain and shattered skull and well....my brain went all over the place. Finally we heard from the office. No fractures. Orbital lobes normal. Normal scan. My doctor said all the swelling is outside the skull. Let's re-scan in 3 months.
I cry. I cry joy and relief and gratitude and thankfulness to God. I am thankful for my doctor and my friend who works for him and my husband and my child and for God's grace (I already know I already said that but I really really mean it). I cry because not every parent gets good news like I did. I cry because I'm so unbelievably blessed and lucky and still really really scared. You can't control things. Sometimes bad stuff happens and you just can't stop it. But yesterday, which was possibly the worst day ever ended up being a day that ended with good news.
So if you take anything from this I hope it is to listen to your gut feeling. My yucky pit of my stomach feeling told me to take her in and I didn't. I'm trying not to blame myself for not acting sooner, but really, I don't think I do. I think I reacted correctly. I followed the "rules" of a head injury. I just wish I would have gone with my heart instead of my head, because I think maybe God was talking to me and I just wasn't listening.
This first one was taken the day after she fell (we have since moved our kitchen table into our playroom so we can shut the doors and lock her out!). She looks pretty hurt, huh?
6 days after....
8 days after...if you look right above her ear you can sort of see her big ol' knot.
Thank God for these three blessings!
On February 4 my kids and I were eating an early dinner. The Hubs was in the shower. Baby Gumdrop finished eating and climbed on top of the kitchen table. This is a new favorite place of hers and I can't seem to keep her off of it. There were some papers scattered on the table that Lollipop had been drawing on earlier. She found a crayon and started to color. I was talking to the big kids and munching away on my food. I looked down at my plate and heard a scream and then a whack! I leap up and run across the table because my baby girl has slipped on the papers and fallen off the table. She was laying on her back on the tile screaming hysterically. I scooped her up and did immediate damage assessment. The Hubs came running in the room and found me and the baby crying. We calmed her down and found no blood. We found nothing weird. She was calm after a few minutes and seemed fine. We check her pupils, we felt of her head, we studied her body. We did everything we could think to do. We found nothing abnormal.
A few hours later she had a bruise on her back and on her hip. We decided that she must of landed on her side and we were so relieved. I was so shaken up about it though and we discussed going to the ER several times but didn't want to put her through that unnecessarily. She played happily for the rest of the evening and we kept her up late to watch her. She went to bed easily at nine (way past her bedtime). She woke up several times and ended up sleeping with us. The next morning (which was a Sunday) we woke up and she had a huge mushy knot on her head. We called our pedi's office and spoke to a new nurse. She said to observe her and take her in if she acted weird. She did not act weird at any point. So, we went to church and taught our Sunday School class. We had a normal day. I texted my good friend who is a NP in my pedi's office. Everyone said, "Relax. If she acts normal she's ok." I cry. It's so scary and I can't shake a yucky feeling in the pit of my stomach.
So that brings us to Tuesday. This bump on her head is massive and still feels weird. We found a smaller knot a little lower Tuesday night. That yucky feeling in the pit of my stomach is getting worse. She starts pulling on her ears and running a little fever. I declare that I'm going to the walk-in clinic in the morning to see my pedi. We do just that. I tell him, "I think she has an ear infection. Also, she fell off the kitchen table about a week and a half ago and has a massive knot on her head." He checks her out and says yes, double ear infections. I ask him to feel the bump. He feels and says, "That's big. I don't like this. We need a head xray. Now." I ask a million questions. He is vague. My blood pressure goes through the roof. I immediately start freaking out. He tells me to calm down. Three times. I respect this man more than words can say and I'm terrified and scared and so mad at myself for not seeing him before this about the bump. I express how her actions have not changed. He tells me "He hopes he is wrong but lets be cautious."
I get in the car and burst into tears and call my husband. We meet at the hospital and thank goodness they have her back in less than 30 minutes. I text my friend the NP a hundred times and she is shocked that she is having an xray. I am shocked she is having an xray too. She reassures me but I just can't seem to calm down. Normally I think I handle things pretty well but I fell apart yesterday. So, we go home and we wait. We wait and wait and imagine awful scenarios like bleeding in the brain and shattered skull and well....my brain went all over the place. Finally we heard from the office. No fractures. Orbital lobes normal. Normal scan. My doctor said all the swelling is outside the skull. Let's re-scan in 3 months.
I cry. I cry joy and relief and gratitude and thankfulness to God. I am thankful for my doctor and my friend who works for him and my husband and my child and for God's grace (I already know I already said that but I really really mean it). I cry because not every parent gets good news like I did. I cry because I'm so unbelievably blessed and lucky and still really really scared. You can't control things. Sometimes bad stuff happens and you just can't stop it. But yesterday, which was possibly the worst day ever ended up being a day that ended with good news.
So if you take anything from this I hope it is to listen to your gut feeling. My yucky pit of my stomach feeling told me to take her in and I didn't. I'm trying not to blame myself for not acting sooner, but really, I don't think I do. I think I reacted correctly. I followed the "rules" of a head injury. I just wish I would have gone with my heart instead of my head, because I think maybe God was talking to me and I just wasn't listening.
This first one was taken the day after she fell (we have since moved our kitchen table into our playroom so we can shut the doors and lock her out!). She looks pretty hurt, huh?
6 days after....
Thank God for these three blessings!
Friday, February 10, 2012
18 months of joy!
My baby girl is 18 months old! What an adventure the past 18 months have been! She is pure joy. I'm writing this entry mostly for myself. I've always been a journal keeper, probably since about the 6th grade. I kept pregnancy journals every time and I had a journal for each of the two older kids when they were small. I would write down things that were going on, likes and dislikes, tell stories, and what they were saying. As time went on it was hard to keep up with separate journals so I start a baby home pages site. That progressed to a blog that was public....then a blog that was private....and now this blog. This is my main source of journaling these days. I had my old blog printed and the kids love to look through it. I'll probably keep this tradition of printing my blog every so often so we always have it to look back on. That being said, here is the top 20 things I want to remember about Miss Gumdrop at her big 1 1/2 year mark:
1. She can say over SIXTY thats right--60!! words. Here are some: bubba, shoe, toes, ear, nose, mommy, daddy, down, stay, sit, bath, eeeee! (eat), ah-ul (apple), book, peas (please), tan too (thank you), cheese, hel-whoa (hello), yeah, yes, ok, stuck!, help!, up, hi, baby, bear, night night, baa, moo, oink, honk, whoo! (for owl), sorr-wee (sorry), hair, here, this, whe-did-i-go? (where did it go?), the-i-is (there it is!), and pretty much any other animal noise I didn't list that you ask of her.
2. She is a climber.
3. She loves berries, yogurt, apple juice, chicken nuggets, cheese pizza, spaghetti, ICE CREAM, and her new favorite (don't judge) is popcorn. Hey....I have a 6 and an 8 year old too....this kid is exposed to more things than I eve imagined.
4. She loves her baby dolls and pushes them in stroller, feeds them, rocks them, and plays with them all day.
5. She can throw a ball better than her brother and sister!
6. She takes one (two hour) nap a day and sleeps about 11 hours a night.
7. She can rock some pigtails AND a ponytail. But she hates bows.
8. She loves shoes but will not leave them on her feet.
9. I am her mom-may and I am the bestest person in the world :).
10. She loves her daddy and her "bubba." Her sister is tolerable in small doses (she tries too hard, bless her soul).
11. Our dogs are fascinating and the source of utmost joy for her.
12. She sings!
13. She dances!
14. She loves t.v. but doesn't get to watch it often. When she is allowed she loves Elmo, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, and 3rd and Bird.
15. She absolutely loves to read. It is her favorite activity in the whole world. We probably read 30 books a day. Her favorites: anything by Karen Katz, Hug, Go Dog Go, and animal picture books.
16. She loves to color (on everything: herself, paper, the walls...).
17. She loves remotes.
18. Every electronic device is a phone, she puts it to her ear and says, "hel-whoa?"
19. She has a favorite baby, a favorite panda bear, and a little blanket that she sleeps with every night. She is my first child to attach to a comfort object (or 3!) and I'm totally excited about it.
20. She gives great hugs and kisses.
There are a million more things I could say and that I love about her. She is truly a ray of sunshine. I'm so blessed and thankful for every minute of her!
Look how you've grown baby girl!
1. She can say over SIXTY thats right--60!! words. Here are some: bubba, shoe, toes, ear, nose, mommy, daddy, down, stay, sit, bath, eeeee! (eat), ah-ul (apple), book, peas (please), tan too (thank you), cheese, hel-whoa (hello), yeah, yes, ok, stuck!, help!, up, hi, baby, bear, night night, baa, moo, oink, honk, whoo! (for owl), sorr-wee (sorry), hair, here, this, whe-did-i-go? (where did it go?), the-i-is (there it is!), and pretty much any other animal noise I didn't list that you ask of her.
2. She is a climber.
3. She loves berries, yogurt, apple juice, chicken nuggets, cheese pizza, spaghetti, ICE CREAM, and her new favorite (don't judge) is popcorn. Hey....I have a 6 and an 8 year old too....this kid is exposed to more things than I eve imagined.
4. She loves her baby dolls and pushes them in stroller, feeds them, rocks them, and plays with them all day.
5. She can throw a ball better than her brother and sister!
6. She takes one (two hour) nap a day and sleeps about 11 hours a night.
7. She can rock some pigtails AND a ponytail. But she hates bows.
8. She loves shoes but will not leave them on her feet.
9. I am her mom-may and I am the bestest person in the world :).
10. She loves her daddy and her "bubba." Her sister is tolerable in small doses (she tries too hard, bless her soul).
11. Our dogs are fascinating and the source of utmost joy for her.
12. She sings!
13. She dances!
14. She loves t.v. but doesn't get to watch it often. When she is allowed she loves Elmo, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, and 3rd and Bird.
15. She absolutely loves to read. It is her favorite activity in the whole world. We probably read 30 books a day. Her favorites: anything by Karen Katz, Hug, Go Dog Go, and animal picture books.
16. She loves to color (on everything: herself, paper, the walls...).
17. She loves remotes.
18. Every electronic device is a phone, she puts it to her ear and says, "hel-whoa?"
19. She has a favorite baby, a favorite panda bear, and a little blanket that she sleeps with every night. She is my first child to attach to a comfort object (or 3!) and I'm totally excited about it.
20. She gives great hugs and kisses.
There are a million more things I could say and that I love about her. She is truly a ray of sunshine. I'm so blessed and thankful for every minute of her!
Look how you've grown baby girl!
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
It's a good thing.....
Since I was a wee girl of eight I've had the curse of the four eyes. You know, I've had to wear glasses!
When My Boy was five and was saddled with the same curse, I cried. I hold my breath in anticipation at every one of Lollipop's well checks. So far she has passed the eye exams with flying colors. I'm praying that stays the case. The Hubs has astronaut vision (whatever that means, he has perfect vision--ok!). I soooo hope the girls take after him.
Way back in the day as a very irresponsible twelve year old I was given a pair of contact lenses. You didn't throw them away back then. You had to clean them and use solution and do weekly pills to keep them all spiffy and new. I pretty much sucked at taking care of them. There was a lot of yelling in my house between the ages of 12-15 about my contacts. Love you mom, I get it now. I wised up a bit in high school and started taking care of them better. But there was this big problem. For most sports you can wear your contacts. But you see, I was on the swim team in high school. I had very precious non-disposable contacts. What's a girl to do? You only run into the wall so many times before you have to do something. What did I do? I got the dorkiest pair of PRESCRIPTION GOGGLES in the world. You know what's funny? Someone stole them out of my locker!!!!! What in the heck did they do with them? My parents refused to buy another pair and I was back at square one--running into walls. Needless to say, I got a cheerleading scholarship to college--not a swimming scholarship :).
In college they invented these wonderful contacts that you threw away after two weeks. A couple of years later they invented contacts that you threw away at the end of everyday. My life improved and I was happy.
But there are still things that have always bothered me. For instance, I can't see the alarm clock when I wake up in the middle of the night, I can't swim without worrying about the kids splashing me and dislodging a contact, and goodness gracious I can't go to the spa and get a proper massage (the oils mess up my contacts and my glasses). Ok, so the last reason is a little bit less of an actual problem, but still. The problem is, I'm a huge chicken about surgery. Especially surgery to my eyes. I kind of need them, ya know?
My friend Carrie got epi-Lasik in September and said it was life changing. I thought and thought. I went to my eye doctor. I got info. I thought some more. Three months later I decided I was brave enough. On Saturday, I DID IT, I HAD EPI-LASIK!!!!!!!!
I had to wear glasses exclusively for two weeks. It was not fun. Here is my last day as a four eyed woman:
Don't be jealous! I know I look pretty awesome!
My recovery has been harder than I thought it would be, but probably only because I have unrealistic expectations for myself. Carrie bounced back in just a few days but I'm taking a little longer. I'm on day five and I have functional sight but my vision is blurry and I still can't drive. I went in this morning and had my contact bandages removed and still have some issues with my left cornea. They tell me I should be back to normal in a few days. This week has been so hard for the control freak in me. I can't drive, I can't work out, I can't cart my kids around to do their "stuff." I have had to depend on so many people around me. Thanks everybody. I really appreciate it! Hopefully by this time next week I'll be saying "It's been life changing!"
When My Boy was five and was saddled with the same curse, I cried. I hold my breath in anticipation at every one of Lollipop's well checks. So far she has passed the eye exams with flying colors. I'm praying that stays the case. The Hubs has astronaut vision (whatever that means, he has perfect vision--ok!). I soooo hope the girls take after him.
Way back in the day as a very irresponsible twelve year old I was given a pair of contact lenses. You didn't throw them away back then. You had to clean them and use solution and do weekly pills to keep them all spiffy and new. I pretty much sucked at taking care of them. There was a lot of yelling in my house between the ages of 12-15 about my contacts. Love you mom, I get it now. I wised up a bit in high school and started taking care of them better. But there was this big problem. For most sports you can wear your contacts. But you see, I was on the swim team in high school. I had very precious non-disposable contacts. What's a girl to do? You only run into the wall so many times before you have to do something. What did I do? I got the dorkiest pair of PRESCRIPTION GOGGLES in the world. You know what's funny? Someone stole them out of my locker!!!!! What in the heck did they do with them? My parents refused to buy another pair and I was back at square one--running into walls. Needless to say, I got a cheerleading scholarship to college--not a swimming scholarship :).
In college they invented these wonderful contacts that you threw away after two weeks. A couple of years later they invented contacts that you threw away at the end of everyday. My life improved and I was happy.
But there are still things that have always bothered me. For instance, I can't see the alarm clock when I wake up in the middle of the night, I can't swim without worrying about the kids splashing me and dislodging a contact, and goodness gracious I can't go to the spa and get a proper massage (the oils mess up my contacts and my glasses). Ok, so the last reason is a little bit less of an actual problem, but still. The problem is, I'm a huge chicken about surgery. Especially surgery to my eyes. I kind of need them, ya know?
My friend Carrie got epi-Lasik in September and said it was life changing. I thought and thought. I went to my eye doctor. I got info. I thought some more. Three months later I decided I was brave enough. On Saturday, I DID IT, I HAD EPI-LASIK!!!!!!!!
I had to wear glasses exclusively for two weeks. It was not fun. Here is my last day as a four eyed woman:
My recovery has been harder than I thought it would be, but probably only because I have unrealistic expectations for myself. Carrie bounced back in just a few days but I'm taking a little longer. I'm on day five and I have functional sight but my vision is blurry and I still can't drive. I went in this morning and had my contact bandages removed and still have some issues with my left cornea. They tell me I should be back to normal in a few days. This week has been so hard for the control freak in me. I can't drive, I can't work out, I can't cart my kids around to do their "stuff." I have had to depend on so many people around me. Thanks everybody. I really appreciate it! Hopefully by this time next week I'll be saying "It's been life changing!"
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